I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
