it wasn't lemon gatorade
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
