Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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