so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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