i don't like sucking hair
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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