she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
