I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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