Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize