At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
