hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
