We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
