its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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