i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
