Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
