A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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