Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
