I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
