its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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