I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
