so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
