She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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