I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
