By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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