Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
