apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize