My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
