If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
