DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
