Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
