I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
