I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
