I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize