At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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