Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
