no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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