in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
