I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
