Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
