If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
