Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
