I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
