I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My vagina is officially offended.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
