also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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