I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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