dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
