If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
