You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
