two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
