well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
