Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
