I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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