If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize