I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i already hear my dad disowning me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
