It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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