I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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