Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
