Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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