im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do herpes really smell.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
