Duck Duck Cougar?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
