If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
