just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
