im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
