I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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