We won't sleep together?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
