so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
