Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
