No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
