You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
