yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
