I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
