I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
