She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
