More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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