I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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