he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
