he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
