i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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