he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
