I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
